Why you are not as selfish as you think

Many people believe that humans are naturally selfish, but scientific research suggests that we are actually built to help others. For example, when you board an airplane, the safety instructions always tell you to put on your own oxygen mask before helping anyone else. This advice makes sense in an emergency, because if you pass out from lack of oxygen, you will not be able to help anyone. However, some people take this idea and apply it to everyday life, thinking that it is always best to put themselves first. In Western countries, individualism is often encouraged, meaning people are taught to be independent and focus on their own needs. But is this really the best way to live? Psychology, economics, and biology have all suggested that humans are competitive and selfish, but new research is challenging this idea. For example, the 'bystander effect' is a theory that says people are less likely to help in an emergency if there are other people around. This idea became famous after the murder of Kitty Genovese in New York in 1964, when it was reported that many people saw what happened but did nothing. However, later investigations showed that this story was not completely true. In fact, research has found that people are often willing to help others, even in dangerous situations. One study looked at security camera footage of violent attacks in the UK, the Netherlands, and South Africa. It found that in nine out of ten cases, at least one person tried to help, and larger groups were even more likely to step in. Some people argue that even when we help others, we do it for selfish reasons, like wanting to feel good or to be liked by others. But studies of people who have risked their lives for strangers show that many of them acted without thinking, as if helping was a natural reaction. This suggests that humans have an instinct to be altruistic, or selfless. Our history as a species also supports this idea. For most of human history, people lived in small groups and had to cooperate to survive. Being selfish would have made it harder for the group to survive. Even today, some groups of people who live like our ancestors share resources equally and help each other. Research with children also shows that we are born with a tendency to help others. Babies as young as 14 months will help someone reach an object, even if there is no reward. Being kind also has benefits for ourselves. People who volunteer to help others often have better mental health, higher self-esteem, and feel less lonely. They are also physically healthier. For example, people who volunteer regularly are less likely to develop high blood pressure. Scientists have even found that people who donate a kidney to a stranger have larger parts of their brain that are linked to emotions, making them more sensitive to other people's feelings. However, it is not possible or healthy to be selfless all the time. Whether we put ourselves or others first depends on our experiences, our culture, and the situation. Most people are not heroes like Nelson Mandela or Gandhi, and that is okay. It is important to recognize our own limits and not feel guilty for not being perfect. Instead, we should try to improve our ability to help others, like practicing a skill. Culture also plays a big role in how we act. In countries like the UK and US, people are taught to be independent, while in many Asian countries, people are taught to think about the group first. This affects how people act in situations like the Covid-19 pandemic, where people in group-focused cultures were more likely to wear masks to protect others. Personal experiences also matter. For example, someone who grew up in a culture that values group harmony may find it hard to put themselves first, even when it is necessary. Studies have shown that children from different cultures respond differently to instructions from adults, depending on what they have been taught. In the end, there is no single right way to be. Helping others is good for society and for ourselves, but it is also important to take care of our own needs. Most of us are capable of great kindness, but we are also influenced by our culture, experiences, and personal limits. The best approach is to try to be kind when we can, but also to recognize that it is okay to look after ourselves.