The Israelis who want grandchildren from their dead sons’ sperm

In Israel, a growing number of parents who have lost their sons, particularly those who served in the military, are seeking to have sperm extracted from their deceased sons' bodies. This trend has increased significantly following the tragic events of October 7, when a large number of people lost their lives. Although some regulations regarding the extraction process have been relaxed, families are expressing their frustration over the lengthy legal procedures they must navigate. Avi Harush recalls the heart-wrenching moment he learned that his 20-year-old son, Reef, had been killed in combat on April 6, 2024, in the Gaza Strip. When military officers arrived at his home to deliver the devastating news, they also presented him with a choice: there was still time to retrieve Reef's sperm. Avi's response was immediate and resolute. He firmly believes that Reef, who lived life to the fullest, would have wanted to have children. 'Reef loved children and wanted kids of his own - there’s no question about it,' he asserts. Although Reef did not have a girlfriend or wife, Avi has since shared his son's story, leading several women to reach out and express their willingness to bear a child for Reef. This possibility has become Avi's 'life’s mission,' as he feels that the prospect of having a grandchild gives the family something to hold on to during their time of grief. Since the attacks on October 7, there has been a notable increase in the number of families seeking to freeze sperm. According to the Israeli health ministry, nearly 170 young men, both civilians and soldiers, have had their sperm retrieved since that date, which is approximately 15 times the number compared to the same period in previous years. The extraction process involves a surgical procedure where a small incision is made in the testicle to remove a piece of tissue, from which live sperm cells can be isolated and frozen in a laboratory. The success rate for retrieving viable sperm is highest when the procedure is performed within 24 hours of death, although sperm can remain viable for up to 72 hours. In October, the Israeli health ministry waived the requirement for parents to obtain a court order to request the procedure, and the Israel Defense Forces (IDF) have become more proactive in offering this option to bereaved parents. However, while the process of freezing sperm has become more accessible, those who wish to use it for conception must still demonstrate in court that the deceased man had the desire to have children. This legal requirement can lead to lengthy delays, which adds to the emotional burden faced by grieving families. Rachel Cohen and her husband were the first parents in Israel to successfully preserve and use their deceased son's sperm to conceive a child. Their son, Keivan, was tragically killed by a Palestinian sniper in 2002, and they now have a granddaughter named Osher, who is 10 years old. Rachel vividly recalls a moment after Keivan's death when she felt his presence. 'I went to his closet. I wanted to find his smell. I even smelled his shoes,' she shares. 'He spoke to me from his photo. He asked me to make sure he has children. ' Despite facing significant opposition, Rachel and her husband ultimately secured a groundbreaking legal decision that allowed them to seek a potential mother for their son’s child. Irit, a woman who responded to their search, underwent psychological and social evaluations before receiving court approval to begin fertility treatment. She believes that there is a meaningful difference between a child who knows their father and one conceived through a sperm bank donation. Osher is aware of her father's sacrifice and has a room decorated with dolphins, which he loved. Irit is committed to raising Osher in a normal environment, ensuring that she is not viewed as a 'living monument' to her father. Dr. Itai Gat, the director of the sperm bank at Shamir Medical Center, emphasizes the significance of preserving sperm for bereaved families. He describes it as the last opportunity to maintain the possibility of reproduction and fertility in the future. Dr. Gat notes a significant cultural shift towards greater acceptance of this process, but he also highlights the challenges faced by single men, as there is often no clear record of consent regarding the use of their sperm. This situation places families already grappling with grief in a difficult position, where sperm may be frozen, but they cannot use it for fertilization. Dr. Gat has spent time with bereaved families and understands how freezing a loved one's sperm can provide some comfort during their mourning. He reflects on the complexity of the situation, stating, 'We’re discussing reproduction, bringing a boy or girl into the world… that we know will be an orphan, without a father. ' He admits that his perspective on preserving sperm has evolved since meeting families affected by the current conflict. Rabbi Yuval Sherlo, a prominent liberal rabbi, also emphasizes the importance of consent from the deceased in this process. He explains that two key principles in Jewish law are at play: the continuation of a man's lineage and the importance of burying the body whole. Some rabbis argue that continuing the lineage is so vital that it justifies the procedure, while others maintain that it should not occur at all. The rising death toll from the October 7 attacks and the subsequent war has intensified the urgency of addressing sperm retrieval for lawmakers. The existing guidelines on this issue, established by the Attorney General in 2003, are not legally binding. Efforts to draft a comprehensive bill to clarify the rules have faced obstacles, with disagreements over the level of consent required and the benefits that children conceived through this process should receive. Families who have already frozen their sons' sperm are concerned that any new legislation will only address future cases and not alleviate their current struggles. For Avi Harush, there is a sense of determination amidst his grief. He sifts through a box filled with memories of Reef, including diaries and photographs, and expresses his unwavering commitment to giving his son a child: 'It will happen… and his children will receive this box.