'I couldn’t stop watching': Personal stories of how porn obsession takes over lives

Shaun Flores, a young man now 30 years old, first encountered pornography at the tender age of 11, thanks to a friend's introduction. He recalls, 'I was hooked almost immediately. ' This initial curiosity quickly spiraled into a compulsive habit, with Shaun admitting that he watched porn at all hours of the day, making it as routine as brushing his teeth. In a new series on BBC iPlayer, Shaun shares his personal journey, revealing that he only recognized the severity of his addiction when he found himself devoid of energy for other activities. 'I didn't want to play football; I just wanted to be inside,' he explained. The guilt and shame that accompanied his habit weighed heavily on him, and despite his efforts to quit, he felt powerless. 'That's when I knew there was something up. ' Shaun's experience is not unique. According to Ofcom's Online Nation 2024 report, 29% of adults in the UK accessed online pornography in May 2024. Research from UKAT, an addiction treatment center, indicates that millions of Britons engage with porn regularly, with 1. 8 million individuals viewing it daily, some even multiple times a day. This alarming trend has led to an increase in individuals seeking help for problematic porn use. Dr. Paula Hall, a UKCP-accredited sexual and relationship psychotherapist at The Laurel Centre in London, specializes in assisting those affected by sex and porn addiction. She noted, 'The numbers of clients seeking help with pornography problems at The Laurel Centre have doubled over recent years. ' Dr. Hall also highlighted a shift in the demographics of those seeking help, stating, 'Ten years ago, the majority of our clients were married men in their 40s and 50s. Now, many of our clients are in their 20s and 30s, recognizing the toll of porn on their lives and relationships. ' Lee Fernandes, lead therapist at the UKAT Group, echoed these sentiments, reporting a significant rise in the number of people seeking treatment for problematic porn use. He explained that the ease of access to porn through technology has made it increasingly available to individuals of all ages. 'It's not very hard for someone to pull out their phone and look at porn, whether they're 12 years old or 60 years old,' he said. 'It is quite troubling. ' People often turn to porn out of curiosity, boredom, stress relief, or dissatisfaction with their sex lives. However, Fernandes cautioned that this initial interest can quickly become addictive. 'It fulfills that dopamine reward system,' he explained. 'Once you start, it's quite difficult to stop. ' While not everyone who watches porn develops an unhealthy relationship with it, those who do can experience negative consequences. The Children’s Commissioner for England, Dame Rachel de Souza, has raised concerns about the impact of early exposure to pornography on young people. Recent research from her office revealed that in 2023, 10% of children had seen porn by the age of nine, and 27% had encountered it by age 11. 'Young people tell me their exposure to pornography is widespread and normalized,' she stated. 'The average age at which children first see pornography is 13 years old. ' Dame Rachel emphasized that porn is no longer limited to adult sites; children can easily access violent and degrading content on social media platforms. 'The implications of seeing this kind of material are vast,' she warned. Silva Neves, a psychotherapist specializing in compulsive sexual behaviors, agreed that early exposure to porn can have detrimental effects. He pointed out that the lack of quality sex education often drives young people to seek information elsewhere. 'They’re going to see unrealistic portrayals of sex,' he said. Courtney Daniella Boateng, who began watching porn at the age of nine, shared her experience of being drawn to it due to the absence of proper sex education. She explained that her school classes focused on the biology of reproduction rather than the emotional aspects of sex. 'I ended up searching for sex videos,' she recalled. 'It was a very wide door that had just blown open into a whole new world. ' Initially, Courtney watched porn sporadically, but it soon became a daily habit. 'That was when I started to realize this is having a negative effect on me because I'm doing this way too often,' she admitted. After losing her virginity at 18, she described the experience as 'terrible,' feeling that it did not live up to the expectations set by porn. Eventually, Courtney recognized her unhealthy dependency on porn and decided to stop watching it in her early 20s. She and her fiancé committed to abstinence until after their wedding. Shaun, too, felt the toll of his excessive porn use, stating, 'I think the role that it [porn] had to play was that it distorted my sense of self. ' Experts emphasize that while some individuals can maintain a healthy relationship with porn, it is crucial to recognize when it becomes problematic. Research conducted by the British Board of Film Classification (BBFC) suggests that porn can serve as a tool for young people to explore their sexuality. 'An unhealthy relationship with porn only occurs when the individual has lost the power of choice,' Fernandes concluded. 'We would urge anyone who thinks they fall into this category to seek professional help. ' Courtney reflected on her journey, stating, 'It's left me with a lot of unlearning to do. ' She had to learn what realistic sex was, to love her body, and to see people as individuals rather than objects. 'If I could rewind the clock, I wouldn't have started it,' she said. For Shaun, quitting porn was one of the best decisions he ever made. 'The addiction made me lose connections, and now I'm trying to be connected to people that I genuinely love and care about,' he shared.