How to avoid being a toxic friend

How to Avoid Being a Toxic Friend By David Robson Friendships are an important part of our lives, and it is essential to be the kind of friend we would want for ourselves. Often, we are not aware of our own flaws and may criticize others without realizing that they might see similar issues in us. This lack of self-awareness can lead to unintentional harm in our relationships. We may not mean to be hurtful, but our careless actions can negatively impact those we care about. This article will explore some strategies to help us avoid being a toxic friend and improve our relationships. One of the first steps to being a better friend is to be consistent. People do not like uncertainty, especially when it comes to their friendships. Research has shown that when individuals are unsure about how their friends will react, it can create stress and anxiety. For instance, a study conducted by researchers at UCL Institute of Neurology found that participants experienced more anxiety when they were uncertain about receiving a mild electric shock than when they knew it was coming. This finding suggests that being an unpredictable friend can be more stressful than being consistently negative. Therefore, it is crucial to manage our moods and reactions to avoid putting our friends in a position where they feel anxious about our responses. Another important aspect of friendship is the illusion of transparency. We often believe that others can easily read our emotions, but this is not always the case. For example, during job interviews, we may think our nerves are obvious, but in reality, they are often difficult to detect. This misunderstanding can lead to missed opportunities to express appreciation for our friends. Research conducted by Amit Kumar and Nicholas Epley found that people consistently underestimate how much their kind words would mean to others. Therefore, it is essential to communicate our feelings openly and not assume that our friends already know how we feel. When our friends are going through tough times, it is vital to validate their feelings while also encouraging them to consider new perspectives. A toxic friend may dismiss or judge their feelings, which can lead to further emotional distress. Instead of simply agreeing with them, we should offer support that helps them see their situation in a different light. Studies suggest that encouraging someone to vent without providing a new perspective can lead to rumination and increased distress. By asking thoughtful questions, we can help our friends gain closure and understand their experiences better. Celebrating each other's successes is equally important in maintaining healthy friendships. While empathy, or shared pain, is well recognized, the concept of 'confelicity,' or shared happiness, is often overlooked. Research has shown that conversations about positive events can be just as crucial for building strong relationships. When a friend shares good news, it is essential to respond actively and constructively, showing genuine interest and joy in their achievements. On the other hand, some people may respond passively or even negatively, which can diminish the significance of the event. To be a good friend, we should take the time to celebrate our friends' successes, no matter how big or small. Lastly, it is important to be willing to apologize when we make mistakes. Many people struggle with apologizing due to various reasons, such as fear of pain or shame. However, research indicates that people generally feel relief after apologizing, and it can help repair relationships. To apologize effectively, we should acknowledge the harm we caused, express genuine regret, and explain how we will avoid making the same mistake in the future. By following these five strategies, we can strengthen our friendships and ensure that we are the kind of friend we would want to have.