Why parents shouldn't always be 'in sync' with their children

There's a lot of advice out there telling parents to always be 'in sync' with their kids. It encourages parents to be physically close and attentive to their children, and to anticipate and immediately respond to their every need. This advice is based on attachment theory and research, which show that higher levels of synchrony are beneficial for child development and secure attachment formation. However, despite its good intentions, this advice overlooks some important details. For example, research has revealed that there are times when parents and children are not 'in sync'. During these times, they may be doing separate activities, such as a child exploring something on their own or a parent working. Instead, they engage in a constant 'social dance' of being attuned to each other, failing to do so, and repairing this disconnect. It's this flow of connection, disconnection, and reconnection that offers children an ideal mixture of parental support and moderate, useful stress that helps them grow. Researchers also agree that there can be negative consequences to parents and children constantly being tuned in to each other. For example, it can increase stress on the relationship and raise the risk for insecure child attachment.