'Still alive' - graduate Asmaa's texts to BBC from the ruins of Gaza

Asmaa Tayeh is a young woman living in Gaza, a region that has been deeply affected by ongoing conflict. For the past six years, she has been in contact with Paul Adams, a BBC reporter, who has been following her story through her text messages. On March 19, 2024, after a long silence, Asmaa sent a message saying, 'Still alive. ' This message came after weeks of dangerous conditions and poor internet connectivity. Asmaa, who is 28 years old, has been living through what is known as Gaza's longest war. Her messages often come late at night when she can find a signal, and they provide a glimpse into her life filled with fear and uncertainty. Asmaa is a petite woman who wears a colorful headscarf, and her smile often hides the struggles she faces. Paul first met Asmaa in 2018 while reporting on protests at the border fence with Israel. Unlike many others, Asmaa was not participating in the protests; instead, she was at home writing stories about her life in Gaza. She had a passion for writing and used her laptop to connect with the outside world, dreaming of places she could only see in videos. Asmaa felt trapped in Gaza, a place that had a stifling sense of isolation. In September 2022, she took a brave step and launched her own business called Star Café, an online coffee delivery service. Her social media posts reflected her optimism and excitement about her new venture. However, everything changed on October 6, 2023, when Hamas militants attacked Israel, leading to a massive military response from Israel. This marked the beginning of a devastating conflict that would change Asmaa's life forever. On October 10, she reached out to Paul, saying, 'We are unharmed,' but she expressed her fear, stating, 'I don’t feel safe at all. ' Despite the sounds of airstrikes nearby, Asmaa held onto hope that the war would end soon. However, this conflict was different from previous ones. Israeli forces dropped leaflets instructing over a million people in northern Gaza to move south. Asmaa's family, consisting of 13 members across three generations, decided to stay in Jabalia, fearing that moving south could lead to a one-way journey. The memories of their ancestors who had fled in 1948 haunted them. Only her elderly grandparents chose to leave, seeking shelter in Rafah. As the war escalated, Asmaa's family faced dire conditions. With electricity cut off and food supplies dwindling, they relied on a small generator to charge their phones and stay informed. Asmaa's messages became less frequent as the situation worsened. On October 15, she told Paul, 'It’s dangerous all over the Gaza Strip. ' By the end of October, Jabalia experienced severe airstrikes, and Asmaa's communication ceased. Paul feared for her safety. However, six weeks later, she reappeared, saying, 'I’m still alive, by God’s miracles. ' This news brought relief to Paul. Asmaa shared the chaos and fear she had experienced during the previous weeks. Her family had to leave Jabalia, facing terrifying journeys through a war-torn city. They tried to stay safe by spreading out when they walked, hoping that if an airstrike occurred, not all of them would be harmed. During a brief ceasefire in late November, they returned to their home, only to find it severely damaged. Asmaa's room, which had served as her office for Star Café, was pockmarked with shrapnel. When the ceasefire ended on December 1, they fled again, finding refuge in a printing shop where one of Asmaa's brothers had worked. The conditions were grim, with no kitchen or clean water. They searched for water, especially for Asmaa's two-month-old nephew. In a desperate situation, they even found an Israeli weapons case and turned it into a stove for cooking. After a few weeks in the shop, Asmaa received a call from the Israeli army, instructing her to leave the area for her safety. This was a strange experience for her, as she had only heard recorded messages before. Asmaa felt a mix of emotions, curious about the person on the other end of the line. As the fighting shifted south, her family returned to Jabalia, where they tried to rebuild their lives. They faced food shortages and had to ration their supplies. Asmaa's father began growing vegetables on the roof of their damaged home. Slowly, the humanitarian situation improved, and they started to feel a sense of normalcy. However, the war returned, forcing them to move again. They relocated to a coastal area where her grandparents had lived. Asmaa's grandparents' house was still standing, but it had been looted. Asmaa felt a mix of relief and sadness as she witnessed people enjoying the beach despite the ongoing danger. On May 19, she received heartbreaking news that her grandfather had passed away. After enduring multiple displacements, her family returned to their home in Jabalia, which was still standing but scarred from the conflict. They faced the daunting task of cleaning and repairing their lives once again. In early July, Asmaa finally spoke to Paul on the phone, sharing her experiences and how the war had changed her. She expressed her anxiety about the constant threat of loss and the transformation of her community. Asmaa observed that the war had brought out both the worst and the best in people. While some turned against each other, many were sharing food and supporting one another. Asmaa knew that it would take a long time for Gaza to recover, and her only wish was to escape. 'I don’t have any hope in this place,' she said. 'I’m not the same person anymore.