Beyond words: The 200-year-old hidden languages of dating

For centuries, people have used creative and secretive ways to show their romantic interest in others. From the days of royal portraits to the coded language of fans and the exchange of meaningful gifts, these hidden languages of love have helped people connect, even when they could not speak openly about their feelings. Today, while dating apps and social media have changed how we meet and flirt, many of these old traditions still influence the way we express attraction and affection.

In the Regency era, which took place in the early 1800s, social events like balls and dances were important places for people to meet potential partners. Women often used fans as a playful way to send secret messages to men. There was even a special fan called 'Fanology' that had a coded alphabet printed on it, allowing women to spell out messages with different hand positions. While this was mostly for fun, it added excitement to the process of flirting in public. Men would give women gifts such as flowers, miniature portraits, or books with underlined passages to show their feelings and see if they shared similar values. Women, in return, would give handmade items or pressed flowers, which symbolized qualities like modesty and faithfulness. The most meaningful gifts were locks of hair or rings, which represented a deep connection and the hope for marriage.

As technology advanced, new ways of sharing affection appeared. In the Victorian era, photography became popular, and people started exchanging small portrait photos called cartes de visite. These photos allowed people to make a strong first impression, much like a profile picture on a dating app today. People would dress up, pose with props that showed their interests or status, and sometimes create collages of their friends' photos. This was a way to show off their social circle and express their personality.

In the 1920s, nightclubs in Berlin introduced even more creative ways to flirt. Some clubs had systems of pneumatic tubes that allowed people to send messages or small gifts to others across the room. This made flirting more exciting and private, as you could send a note or a present without anyone else knowing. The thrill of seeing someone react to your message added to the fun of meeting new people in these lively settings.

For LGBTQ+ people, secret signals were especially important because it was often dangerous to be open about their relationships. They used symbols like green carnations, violets, or certain types of jewelry to quietly show their identity and find others like themselves. These hidden codes helped create a sense of community and safety. Even today, symbols like rainbow flags or specific colors are used to express LGBTQ+ pride and connect with others.

Modern dating still relies on many of these old ideas. We use photos, texts, emojis, and gifts to show interest and build connections. Dating apps let us present ourselves in the best light, just like people did with portraits and cartes de visite. The excitement of sending a secret message or a thoughtful gift is still a big part of romance. Whether through technology or tradition, people have always found ways to express love and attraction, often using a bit of mystery and creativity to make the experience more special.