Soulmates Unveiled: Science Says Love Is Made, Not Just Meant to Be

On Valentine's Day, many people wonder if there is a perfect person out there for them, often called a soulmate. This idea has been around for centuries. In ancient Greece, the philosopher Plato told a story that humans were once whole, with four arms and four legs, but were split in half by the god Zeus. Since then, each half has been searching for its missing other. This story has influenced how people think about love, making them believe that there is someone out there who will make them feel complete.

During the Middle Ages, stories about knights and their forbidden love for princesses made people think of love as something magical and powerful. These stories, like those of Lancelot and Guinevere, showed that love could be strong and even painful. Later, writers like Shakespeare wrote about 'star-crossed lovers' who were meant to be together but were kept apart by fate or family. Today, movies and romance novels continue to tell stories about finding 'The One. ' But what does science say about the idea of soulmates?

Professor Viren Swami, a social psychologist, says that the idea of having one special partner comes from these old stories. In the past, people could love many people, but as society changed, people started looking for one person to save them from loneliness. Now, dating apps make finding a partner feel like shopping, which can make people feel empty. Swami believes that instead of searching for a perfect match, people should focus on building a strong relationship together.

Professor Jason Carroll, who studies marriage and family, says that people want to feel a strong bond with someone. He tells his students that instead of believing in a soulmate, they should work to create a special relationship. He calls this the difference between 'destiny beliefs' and 'growth beliefs. ' People who believe in destiny think that love should be easy, but those who believe in growth know that relationships take work and can get better over time.

Studies show that people who believe relationships are meant to be are more likely to doubt their love when things get tough. But those who believe in working on their relationship stay committed, even during arguments. Carroll says that the most meaningful part of a long relationship is not just the happy moments, but also supporting each other through challenges.

Love coach Vicki Pavitt helps people who thought they found their soulmate but ended up feeling anxious or hurt. She explains that sometimes, strong feelings can come from old patterns or worries, not true love. Some people are drawn to unhealthy relationships because they feel familiar, not because they are a perfect match. Studies show that people can feel attached to partners who are sometimes kind and sometimes hurtful, which can make it hard to leave a bad relationship.

Scientists have also found that our feelings of attraction can be influenced by things like hormones or medicine. For example, some birth control pills can change how women feel about their partners. This suggests that there may not be just one perfect person for everyone. In fact, a mathematician named Dr. Greg Leo created a computer program that showed most people have several possible matches, not just one.

Professor Jacqui Gabb studied what makes couples happy. She found that small, thoughtful actions, like making tea or sharing a smile, are more important than big romantic gestures. Couples who do these small things for each other feel more valued and satisfied in their relationships.

In the end, science suggests that love is something people build together. There may not be just one perfect person for everyone, but by being kind, patient, and working together, couples can create a special and lasting relationship. The happiest couples are those who support each other every day, not just those who wait for a fairy tale romance.